I am so pissed right now. Last night on our way to a live band, my hubby tells me I need to cool off on the marriage talk and sugar pushing on a friend’s boyfriend. The friend couldn’t tell me herself but had to do through my husband. How infuriating.
I started cursing and yelling. Hubby was caught off guard because he couldn’t understand why I would be so angry at this kind of behavior. I was so emotionally off the rails, I couldn’t really explain it to him in a “rational” coherent way. He kept calling me a hypocrite and irrational.
After going to bed pissed, I became clearer this morning. I’m pissed because he insulted my judgment and intelligence. He assumes she’s right in that I am an immature person who gives into excess. Sure I’m a sugar fiend, but I would hope he saw how I’ve cut down quite a bit.
As for me bringing up marriage to this friend’s boyfriend, I could cool down on that. But instead of seeing this as me getting excited for her that she found someone suitable, she sees it as me being pushy. Instead of seeing this as a sign of my approval and that I’m behind them 100%, this is seen as pressuring him. Her sister would have appreciated the loyalty.
Some background, this girlfriend has had many suitors, mostly selfish pricks who were not good for her. How could I tell they weren’t good for her? By how she acted while dating them. If she behaved like her usual crazy self or worse, then how could this guy be good for her. I didn’t need to meet the guy to be able to tell whether or not he was good for her.
Of course hubby and I are going to go to therapy for this. We’ve been seeing therapy because my children have issues with me. He’s there to oversee everything because he has no issues. It’s turned out to be marriage counseling.
He deals with me in a “rational” way while I need him to engage on an emotional level. The therapist asked him to engage me in an emotional way to see how that would work. We both had no idea what she was talking about. How do you engage on an emotional level? Well, it goes something like this,
Hubby: I can see how you must feel frustrated with how to deal with the kids and it must make you feel inadequate.
That alone made me feel better, that he acknowledged my pain. I was like, wow, it works. Then it made me realize how we fight. When we fight, he tries to “rationally” tell me why I’m wrong and how he has the high ground. This in turn pisses me off to no end. He may not mean to make me feel this way, but I do when he goes into the “you’re irrational” tirade. Will continue with this issue in therapy next week.
Back to being a sugar pusher. I have a sweet tooth. I will always have dessert when given a choice. When I meet someone I like who also has an infinity for desserts, then I’m constantly buying them sweets if I come across it. I cool down after a bit because, you know, moderation. This girlfriend’s boyfriend is really funny and loves sweets as much as I do. However, he hasn’t been exposed to the sweets that I have been so I’m introducing them to him. Well, apparently that’s too much and I need to stop being such a sugar pusher.
I’m pissed because first, it hasn’t been that crazy an amount of sugar. We talk more about the sugar than actually eating sugar. And second, I trust this guy to be able to moderate himself. He’s probably in his 50’s or 60’s. If he can’t control himself by now, then he never will. And whether I introduce it to him or not, if he really wants it, he’ll find a way to get it. Putting the responsibility on me to control his sugar intake at this point in both our lives is ludicrous.
Plus, does my husband really think I lack that much judgment? Apparently so. I’ve spoken to this boyfriend and he says that he’ll indulge this weekend and diet during the week. This tells me he’s aware of the issues and is taking steps to deal with it. This doesn’t indicate to me a person who can’t control himself.
Of course this girlfriend feeling the need to bring this issue up to me via my husband is an issue in and of itself. Then again, this is the same girlfriend who threw her sister’s perfectly good liquor down the drain to stop her from drinking on a particular night. That is so wrong on so many levels. First, you never throw out perfectly good liquor. Other people could have drank it. Second, it’s not like we couldn’t go get more at 7 Eleven. No need to waste money like that.
I don’t feel wrong here. I’ll cool down on the marriage thing because I see some issues they will need to work out. As for the sugar thing, I will honestly tell the boyfriend that I can’t introduce him to new desserts because he has a problem and if I help in any way with that problem, then I’m the pusher. Keep in mind that I’m in the midst of a bunch of liquor drinkers who drink quite a bit, but they don’t have a problem, I do. The boyfriend and I both don’t really drink. Oh wait, my husband has told me that my sugar intake is way more dangerous than his several drinks a night. Gotta love the irony.
I got a LLBean tote before the boycott call. I got my last name stitched on it. If I would have known what was going to happen, I would have gotten “WTF” stitched on it instead. “WTF” aptly describes my life right now.