Monthly Archives: May 2015

“I’m Glad That Ain’t My Wife” Contest a.k.a. Worst Wife Ever

Tagline for the Contest:  If you can’t be the best, then be the worst. 

My wonder twin was going on about our friend, Candy (not her real name), and how she’s the perfect wife.  Anyone who knows her would want to marry her.

What makes her perfect?

For one thing, she’s an excellent cook.  She can whip up a meal in two seconds and it tastes good.  She’s also the sweetest person you’ll ever meet, even when she’s “yelling” at her kids, it sounds so sweet.  She’s naturally beautiful.  And, she completely supports her husband in his business endeavors.  What else could anyone want?

Since she’s the perfect wife, where does that leave the rest of the ghetto socialite posse?  If we can’t be on top, then let’s race to the bottom.  The rest of the group started vying for the “worst wife ever” status.  My status friend (white girl) and I started arguing who was the worst wife and why.  Then my wonder twin said she’s the worst wife ever.  Bad baby said it’s a contest between my wonder twin and I.

Status friend said it would depend on the categories.  So we would run a worst wife ever contest and call it “I’m glad that ain’t my wife.”  Each of us would do challenges for each category.  The categories would be the worst nag, worst cook, worst at having relations, etc…  The final challenge:  what is the one thing you do that irks the crap out of your husband.  We would video tape the wife doing it to her spouse and his reaction and viewers would vote, it would be like a final death match.

I pictured the husbands in the crowd cheering their wives on with puffy fingers and the host interviewing each of them asking why their wives should win the worst wife ever title.  Their answers would be classic.

While describing this show to the kids, Bad Baby asked if it was on You Tube.  I said “it’s in my imagination, why, would you watch it?”  He said, yes.  And there you have it, my one and only viewer.  First born wants to do a show called “Worst Madre Ever.”