Monthly Archives: August 2016

How I Stay Married: Beer, lots and lots of beer.

I just bought 9 cases of beer because it was on sale.  When it comes to beer, I know a deal when I see one.  Every other grocery item, haven’t got a clue.

Sometimes when I’m in line paying for these beers, someone will ask if I’m having a party.  I reply, “no, this is how I stay married.”  Some chuckle, some give me a weird stare trying to decide whether or not I’m joking.  I’m partly joking.

Is it such a bad idea to keep your man semi-intoxicated at all times?  I’m pretty lucky my man likes to drink.  Every time he sees the beer I bought, he gushes and feels special that I thought of him.  It’s his dozen roses.  My twin wishes her husband liked beer the way mine does.  She says, it’d be so much easier to please him.  Having to have relations all the time is too much work.

We’re coming up on our 20th anniversary next year.  Twenty years.  No one dreamt it.  Most people gave us two years.  Our best friend asked my husband if he was sure he wanted to go through with the wedding.  I was unstable.  I broke up with him at least once a week back then.  His brother also checked and asked the question.  I didn’t take it personally because they were right.  I would question their loyalty if they didn’t ask.

How should I mark the occasion?  Given a choice between going away somewhere or having a party, I’d have a party.  A small dance party with food, because I love food and dancing.  On my invitations I’d write “In Your Face!!!  We made it – 20 years!!!

At the party I would have friends go up to the mic and tell everyone why they thought we wouldn’t make it and then make them eat crow.  Yeah, that’s the way to celebrate.  I’d laugh my butt off.  I’d go up myself and tell everyone why I thought we wouldn’t make it and tell them of the times when we almost didn’t.

My husband drinks at least two beers a day.  Two beers a day keeps the divorce lawyer away.

And of course therapy helps.