Monthly Archives: July 2017

I Have Breast Cancer

There, I said it.  I found out through a routine mammogram and sonogram that I have DCIS.  It’s early stage breast cancer that has not spread.  I accept that I have it but I’m slow to wake up to the realities of having it, mainly because I’m not sure what to expect.  I’ve overcome the shock stage.  It was very hard to hold it together the day I found out.  Slowly, I’ve been telling people and everyone has been wonderful.  I have a lot of support and I’m grateful for that.  I’m optimistic because I personally know quite a few people who had it and survive.

My best friend from Australia was here when I received the news and she’s helping me navigate the waters.  She had breast cancer last year.  She’s fine now.  The process wasn’t easy.  She had a lot of support.  I remember feeling helpless because she was far away.  I’m going to let people help me in small ways so they don’t feel that.

I’m surprised how heavy the news weighs on me, physically.  I expect the emotional weight but the physical weight is a surprise.  I’m trying to get through a regular day, that has relatively few stresses, and it’s hard.  I feel like I have to lift something extra heavy today.  I want to go work out but I’m afraid I may not make it through a class.  I feel fine physically.  I guess I’m scared and I’m trying not to fall into depression.  I have to keep busy and keep moving forward.

I worry for my family.  I worry how this is all weighing on them.  It can’t be easy.  Bad baby said he’s fine because we told him it’ll be fine.  He said, Gunma (Godmother in Chinese) had it and she’s fine, so you’ll be fine.  We will be fine.

“The Flames of my Rage will Burn for Eternity.” -Bad Baby

A few weeks ago, we had a party that ran late. My place was such a mess that I had to clean before going to bed. Around 1 am, I asked First Born if Bad Baby was still awake. FB said he’s watching Netflix, so I turned on the vacuum.

The next thing you hear is Bad Baby screaming. I don’t know what got into him but he was pissed I was making so much noise. EJ was in the room with Bad Baby and tells me that he screamed, “the flames of my rage will burn for eternity.” He then said, “I’m not done being angry, I’m just too tired” and falls asleep.

I’ve been telling everyone I know this story. Bad Baby hates it when I tell it. But I told him it’s a masterpiece and I must share it with everyone. I want EJ to draw flames from a fire with his face in the middle with the words “The Flames of my Rage will Burn for Eternity” around the flames.

It’s funny when I tell the story, but it wasn’t so funny living through it. That could be said for a lot of things that happen in this house. There’s no one to blame but myself.

Tongue Fu / Mouth Ji Jitsu

EJ (my favorite daughter) and I have been having conversations about her hanging out with her friends.  She’s been hanging out with some friends without me.  She’s becoming sassier and starting to speak her mind.  I was afraid she was going to be a sweet, quiet pushover, but no fear of that.

There’s a girl in her group who’s passive aggressive and it drives her nuts. She couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was that bothered her about this girl’s personality. I explained that this girl wants attention but she’s trying to get it in a negative way, which is the opposite of my daughter’s personality.

One day when this girl was complaining about how annoying another girl was, my daughter turns to her and tells her she’s annoying. It probably came across rude and shocking since it came from my daughter who’s generally a sweet girl, at least to my knowledge. We went over some ways where this could have come across funny instead of in your face. On one hand, my daughter felt such relief to be able to finally say the truth to the girl. On the other, my daughter doesn’t hate this girl, just this behavior of hers.

One suggestion was “you would know.” Obnoxious but can be funny. I do this exercise with the kids whenever I get a chance.

For example, First Born had problems with a kid back in fourth grade. This kid kept bothering him. One time during recess, the kid kept charging at First Born. Before the kid reached him, First Born put up his leg and the kid crashed into it. He did this three times with the same result.

When they went in after recess, the kid wouldn’t leave it alone and went up to First Born and said, “remember when I pant-sed you in first grade.” In first grade, this kid pulled down First Born’s pants in the schoolyard. Administration was notified, but nothing really happened. I couldn’t understand why this kid would do that to my son, but I figured he had problems at home. Because this kid couldn’t get First Born in the schoolyard, he felt the need to humiliate him with the past.

First Born and I were sitting in a diner and we went over all the things he could say to this kid the next time he tried this again. The kid was saying this to First Born everyday for several days. Finally after our conversation, without fail, the kid brings it up again to First Born. This time First Born says, “V, I know you need a boyfriend, but I don’t swing that way.” Ka boom in your face! The kid’s face dropped and everyone around them was laughing. The kid did not bring it up again. I call this Tongue Fu or Mouth Ji Jitsu as my Sifu would say. I was so proud of First Born.

My most classic Tongue Fu move was against a friend of ours. Years ago when my husband worked with this friend, C, we were hanging out in hubby’s office. Hubby was playing World of Warcraft. In that game, the women have huge boobs. This friend looked on the screen and turned to me to ask, “why don’t you have boobs like her?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I don’t know where it came from that day, but I immediately replied, “why do you?” Ka boom. He never brought up the lack of chest fat again.