EJ (my favorite daughter) and I have been having conversations about her hanging out with her friends. She’s been hanging out with some friends without me. She’s becoming sassier and starting to speak her mind. I was afraid she was going to be a sweet, quiet pushover, but no fear of that.
There’s a girl in her group who’s passive aggressive and it drives her nuts. She couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was that bothered her about this girl’s personality. I explained that this girl wants attention but she’s trying to get it in a negative way, which is the opposite of my daughter’s personality.
One day when this girl was complaining about how annoying another girl was, my daughter turns to her and tells her she’s annoying. It probably came across rude and shocking since it came from my daughter who’s generally a sweet girl, at least to my knowledge. We went over some ways where this could have come across funny instead of in your face. On one hand, my daughter felt such relief to be able to finally say the truth to the girl. On the other, my daughter doesn’t hate this girl, just this behavior of hers.
One suggestion was “you would know.” Obnoxious but can be funny. I do this exercise with the kids whenever I get a chance.
For example, First Born had problems with a kid back in fourth grade. This kid kept bothering him. One time during recess, the kid kept charging at First Born. Before the kid reached him, First Born put up his leg and the kid crashed into it. He did this three times with the same result.
When they went in after recess, the kid wouldn’t leave it alone and went up to First Born and said, “remember when I pant-sed you in first grade.” In first grade, this kid pulled down First Born’s pants in the schoolyard. Administration was notified, but nothing really happened. I couldn’t understand why this kid would do that to my son, but I figured he had problems at home. Because this kid couldn’t get First Born in the schoolyard, he felt the need to humiliate him with the past.
First Born and I were sitting in a diner and we went over all the things he could say to this kid the next time he tried this again. The kid was saying this to First Born everyday for several days. Finally after our conversation, without fail, the kid brings it up again to First Born. This time First Born says, “V, I know you need a boyfriend, but I don’t swing that way.” Ka boom in your face! The kid’s face dropped and everyone around them was laughing. The kid did not bring it up again. I call this Tongue Fu or Mouth Ji Jitsu as my Sifu would say. I was so proud of First Born.
My most classic Tongue Fu move was against a friend of ours. Years ago when my husband worked with this friend, C, we were hanging out in hubby’s office. Hubby was playing World of Warcraft. In that game, the women have huge boobs. This friend looked on the screen and turned to me to ask, “why don’t you have boobs like her?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I don’t know where it came from that day, but I immediately replied, “why do you?” Ka boom. He never brought up the lack of chest fat again.