I Have Breast Cancer

There, I said it.  I found out through a routine mammogram and sonogram that I have DCIS.  It’s early stage breast cancer that has not spread.  I accept that I have it but I’m slow to wake up to the realities of having it, mainly because I’m not sure what to expect.  I’ve overcome the shock stage.  It was very hard to hold it together the day I found out.  Slowly, I’ve been telling people and everyone has been wonderful.  I have a lot of support and I’m grateful for that.  I’m optimistic because I personally know quite a few people who had it and survive.

My best friend from Australia was here when I received the news and she’s helping me navigate the waters.  She had breast cancer last year.  She’s fine now.  The process wasn’t easy.  She had a lot of support.  I remember feeling helpless because she was far away.  I’m going to let people help me in small ways so they don’t feel that.

I’m surprised how heavy the news weighs on me, physically.  I expect the emotional weight but the physical weight is a surprise.  I’m trying to get through a regular day, that has relatively few stresses, and it’s hard.  I feel like I have to lift something extra heavy today.  I want to go work out but I’m afraid I may not make it through a class.  I feel fine physically.  I guess I’m scared and I’m trying not to fall into depression.  I have to keep busy and keep moving forward.

I worry for my family.  I worry how this is all weighing on them.  It can’t be easy.  Bad baby said he’s fine because we told him it’ll be fine.  He said, Gunma (Godmother in Chinese) had it and she’s fine, so you’ll be fine.  We will be fine.

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